Do NOT Ignore the Authoress
by Inspired Demon of Fiction
Summary: Do NOT ignore the authoress. Especially when she’s wandering aimlessly around your TARDIS. She’s dangerous, she’s powerful, and she’s just a little bit cracked. Ten/Simm!Master, Three/Delgado!Master, UNIT, and... Sam Tyler! CRACK CRACK CRACKETY CRACK!
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Do NOT Ignore the Authoress

**Rating**: T (for implied secksy-tiem)

**Summary**: Based loosely on comments between myself and FrenziedFerret (on deviantART) as well as basically spending my whole day with no one talking to me... I WAS going to finish this last night but it's already pretty long and it's very late now, so... enjoy. And remember, do NOT ignore your authoress!

* * *

It's been decided that pretty much the worst thing you could do to Demon is ignore her. Do NOT ignore the authoress. Especially when she's wandering aimlessly around your TARDIS. She's dangerous, she's powerful, and she's just a little bit cracked, so PAY HER BLOODY ATTENTION WHEN SHE ASKS FOR IT!

Checking the TARDIS log, and seeing nothing new, Demon turned around in a huff. Nothing was going on, nothing… she'd come ALL the way back from her writing conference with pretty much one single thought on her mind, well, two things: seeing Richard, her trusted, beloved computer again, who had been left _alone_ in her _frigid_ room by himself for a whole _day_ which was just… unimaginable, and getting back on board the TARDIS. Of course, once she got there, there was a rapid session of catch-up, but after that… gnats buzzing would make the most exciting part of the day…

Jai had showed up briefly, which was odd, but she was really only there for the bananas and the Doctor and the Master had buggered off to… well, she'd put the cart before the horse there in that sentence. And as much as she would love to stalk and watch them while un-surreptitiously (which, if you didn't know is apparently not a word… BUT IT SHOULD BE!) chew bubble gum above them, smacking it loudly and blowing bubbles, she couldn't because they'd managed to find one of the few rooms on the TARDIS that she couldn't directly access without the Doctor with her.

So, what was a plot-bunnied, bored-to-death authoress to do? But cause mischief and grief to the unsuspecting readership… *evil!grin* She liked the evil-grin, she was particularly fond of using it because it always brought to mind Simm!Master's favorite smile… she attempted to imitate it every time she wrote *evil!grin* but she was pretty sure she failed.

So… mischief, mischief, mischief… (bonus points to anyone who got that) what mischief could she get up to today? She always got up to better mischief when she had a George to her Fred, but she was far more destructive on her own, even if it was less fun…

Well, what did she have? One: a TARDIS, two: an ego the size of Jupiter and it was currently injured like the angry, red hurricane on Jupiter's surface, and three: a brain full of plot-bunnies, _a la _Rassilon. Hmm…

Turning back to the TARDIS, she twisted a few knobs here, pulled a lever over there, the TARDIS flashed in warning as it revved to life. Demon eyed it, "Yeah, I know this is a Bad Idea In Progress, but you know what, I'm gonna teach 'em something…"

The TARDIS sighed, but consoled herself that it might give them BOTH a chance for vengeance… yes, the TARDIS was warming up to this Bad Idea.

A few more buttons pushed and they were off.

Meanwhile, in the part of the TARDIS that Demon's prying eyes couldn't actually get to…

"Oh, _Doctor!_" the Master moaned between some hardcore pushing and pulling and glomping and groping… both assumed that the rocking and rolling of their room was just their own scantily clad and hectic love making at work.

And then bang, crash, the lightening flashed! Oh wait, that's another story never mind… (again, bonus points if you get that) But there was a very loud bang and a rousing crash just as two hot and sweaty Time Lord bodies crashed together somewhere above Demon and the TARDIS console…

"Did you feel that?" the Doctor blinked, trying to regain cognitive thought.

"Mmm… I did _indeed_, Doctor," the Master pulled him very close, nuzzling his soft spot just under his ear.

The Doctor gave up the fight for cognitive thought… fluff and post-coital joy was all he really needed right now, anyway…

"Right… let's have a look outside, shall we?" Demon grinned at the TARDIS, who chuckled merrily in her own bio-mechanical way.

Demon opened the door, oh… perfect, right on time… she rushed back in, "Oh TARDIS… oh, you brilliant thing you!" she ran up to the center column and attempted to embrace it, "You ARE good, you really are!"

The TARDIS shook her off gently, reminding her that she had Time Lord happiness to ruin.

Demon walked out of the TARDIS, completely self-confident of her plot. This was just one of the MANY ways in which she was like the Master, she really was. She had evil plots that she believed were undefeatable, of course the Doctor usually ended up disproving that, and she was counting on him to catch her, but not before it was time. She also had a massive ego that DEMANDED, much like a cat really, to be stroked as often as possible, and it had been ignored, never a good idea. Because cats had teeth and claws and even while they were rubbing up against you they could very easily trip you. Especially if you had your pants around your ankles.

And it was in this exact way that Demon was going to teach her lovely Time Lords into remembering her a little more often.

"Come out of the Police Box!" Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart was shouting into a megaphone, "UNIT has you surrounded!"

Demon stood there, hands raised, with a proper, mad, evil grin on her face.

-

"State your name, rank, and intention," Captain Yates inquired of her.

Demon had one HELL of a time not laughing in a sardonic way, so she settled for practicing that evil!grin again, "Demon, authoress, mischief, mayhem, and madness."

"I see…" Yates scribbled it down.

Demon just continued to smile, "Tell me, has UNIT confiscated that police box yet?"

Yates looked up, "I'm not authorized to tell you."

Demon's smile widened, of course they had.

"And… is the _Doctor_ going to examine it?" she further prodded.

Yates dropped his pencil, "How do you know about…?"

"Oh, I know FAR more than UNIT would deem _safe_ for me to know," she winked at him, lowering her voice.

-

"No… no, it can't be!" the Doctor whispered, shocked.

"It appeared out of thin air, Doctor, just like your TARDIS," the Brigadier was explaining.

"Yes, but… that's impossible! You cannot cross your own time stream there are laws on Gallifrey against this, this is… most inappropriate!" the Doctor chastised the old girl (because we all know Three was focused solely on the appropriateness of any given situation). It lurched at him angrily, showing him some of the attitude she'd developed over the years.

He stepped back, affronted, "Now, now old girl, there's no need to bark at _me,_ I didn't bring you here! But who did, I wonder…" he stretched out a hand to touch it.

"Wait, Doctor, so this is _your_ TARDIS?" Jo asked quizzically.

"Yes, Jo, I'm not sure how, but… this is her…. A bit older though, worse for wear in parts, her paint's beginning to fade," the TARDIS nearly took his hair off with a whoosh of hot air form her engines.

"Brigadier, the Master's just been spotted, we're sending a troop in to abduct him as we speak," a commander ran in to spread the good news.

"The Master? _Now?_ He always did pick the worst times to show up," the Doctor groaned.

"Well, at least we know he's not in that one," Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart gestured to the blue box.

"Indeed, but then… who is?"

-

The Master was just nodding off when the Doctor sat up, dragging his warmth with him.

"Master, did you hear that?"

The Master didn't even open his eyes, "No, it was just your old ship creaking, now, lie back down… be good and I'll give you a treat later."

"No, but…" he sniffed the air, "Yeah, smell that? Master sit up, smell that air!"

The Master, begrudgingly, sat up and inhaled, "Oh… that's not 21st century air."

"No, no, far too clean… we've moved. Not out of place, or not by much, but we've moved I time…"

The Master started, "But that's impossible, unless…"

"Unless…"

"DEMON!" they shouted in unison. And, away in her tiny room with Captain Yates she could almost hear them.

Almost.

-

"Right, Miss Demon," Yates was saying, after she'd proved to him that she knew more than she should, "luckily just yesterday we received someone who ALSO believed they were from the future, so we'll just room you with him for the time being…" he illustrated, escorting her to her holding cell.

"Hmm…" she said dryly, "Well, do tell me when the Doctor gets back, I'd like to see him," she had to stop herself from saying 'the BOTH of them'. Spoilers.

"Captain Yates, Captain Yates!" a messenger came running down, "Captain Yates, the Master's being taken in, the Brigadier wants you up there for questioning!"

"Yes, right away Simpkins, I'll be there. Now, Mr. Tyler, we have a friend for you who also insists she's from the future."

Demon entered the cell. Tyler? But that couldn't be…

Mr. Tyler looked up, blinked once at her, then turned away again.

Oh… this was better than she'd planned it.

-

"DEMON!" the Doctor was shouting, pulling his trouser on as her ran down the stairs, "DEMON, this is NOT funny, now where are you?"

The Master thundered about above him, less yelling and more toppling things over looking for her. "She's not here, Doctor," he eventually surmised, rejoining him in the Control Room, "and why are you only half dressed?"

The Doctor blushed, "I'm just thorough, that's all," he tucked in his shirt, "now where's my tie…?"

Someone banged on the door, "Is there anyone in there? We want you to come out with your hands raised, you cannot leave while UNIT surrounds your TARDIS."

The Doctor's jaw dropped, "That voice…"

The Master stared at him, "Is that…?"

The Doctor tentatively opened the door… to see, the Doctor.

* * *

The Events Alluded to During the Introduction: .com/journal/30600351/#comments

Just... Inspiration in General: .com/art/Our-New-Home-155476278

Where the RP Began (just alternate between his journal and mine until you get to the end): .com/journal/30564524/

Oh, and the **Bonus Points**:

"Mischief, mischief, mischief..." - Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street (if you've only seen the movie, you probably didn't catch it, so... GO SEE THE OBC! IT'S BETTER! )

"And then bang, crash, the lightening flashed. Oh wait, that's another story, nevermind..." - Into the Woods (what? So I have a minor obsession with Sondheim! YOU SHOULD TOO!)

SUPER SECRET BONUS!

"Simpkins!" - Monty Python's Flying Circus (yes... I stole that name form this sketch: [link])


	2. Chapter 2

"There you are, now just step out of there," the Doctor was beckoning to, though he didn't know it, the Doctor.

The Doctor gulped and stepped outside. The Master followed a step or so behind, trying, in vain, to hide an ever-widening smile.

"Quit it," the Doctor threatened, whispering over his shoulder to him.

The Master snorted, stifling a giggle as he stared straight at the earlier Doctor, "But it's just too funny…"

"And what's so funny, might I ask?" The younger Doctor snapped.

The Master swallowed and was going to say, "Nothing" but he just couldn't help himself, he covered his mouth quickly, leaning slightly on the Doctor to keep from falling over from the sheer hilarity of the situation.

The Doctor, both really, passed him a withering glance.

"Brigadier, we've captured the Master. Captain Yates is currently questioning him," Simpkins returned to the Brigadier.

"Thank you Simpkins, tell him I'll be there in a moment."

"What?" the Master stopped laughing, looking up.

The Doctor could have stepped on his foot for that as everyone's expression turned to one of suspicious curiosity.

"You… know the Master?" the Doctor asked, the most suspicious of all.

The Master groaned, rolling his eyes at his own stupidity.

"No, no, not at all," the Doctor answered for him, "my friend here just thought his name sounded odd, I mean 'the Master', who'd call themselves the Master?" The Doctor snorted.

The Master glanced at him, but said nothing.

"Yes… quite," the Doctor frowned, "Well, take them in Brigadier, I'll question them personally."

-

"So… you're Mr. Tyler… Captain Yates said you're from the future, is that right?"

Mr. Tyler sighed, "Yes, I'm from the year 2007, got a problem with that?" He didn't look up at her.

Demon grinned, "On the contrary… I think that's _brilliant_."

-

The Doctor closed the door slowly giving the room a definite air of impressive silence and no means of escape.

The Doctor, the one sitting in handcuffs, swallowed nervously, glancing around. Whoever was responsible for this was completely mad. And Demon was missing. He wasn't going to pretend that the thought _hadn't_ crossed his mind that she might be the one responsible, what with her slave-ship to the Master and affinity for mischief, but this was a bit villainous, even for _her_. But if she WASN'T responsible, then an even larger problem was presented in that this was a paradox AND she was 'missing', which usually meant 'held captive by some evildoer with a vendetta against the Doctor'. He could just about start crying from panic.

The Master looked around carefully. He remembered this room… and if he remembered correctly, there was an observation deck not-so-secretly hidden above them where the Brigadier and that insufferable child, Jo Grant, were no doubt watching the not-so-attractive Doctor's every move. He glanced at the earlier Doctor and wondered briefly how he could have EVER found him attractive. Still… if he hadn't then he may not have found this newer model, which would have been very sad indeed.

"Now, I suppose you two gentlemen realize that it was a TARDIS you were flying?" the Doctor questioned, pacing in front of them.

"Was it? I had no idea," the Doctor pulled a shocked face looking at the Master. The Master had to admit, he was QUITE good at playing dumb, in fact, it amused him so much he'd go so far to say that he wasn't _playing_.

The Master shrugged like he didn't know what a TARDIS was either.

The inquiring Doctor rolled his eyes, "Don't play dumb with me. Only someone who knew how to fly a TARDIS would have been able to land it here."

"But, I'm telling ya' honest, I had no idea what was going on! Me and Jim, his name's Jim, just stepped inside and the thing just came to life! It was like magic!" He'd tried the, 'Hey, I'm the Doctor too!' technique with Five, hadn't worked, he thought maybe this would be more successful.

The Doctor looked deep into the other Doctor's eyes. The younger-looking Doctor tried hard not to flinch, he was…

"No…"

Yep. He knew.

The Doctor sighed, "Yes, I'm the Doctor too, hello," the Doctor waved one of his handcuffed hands.

"Doctor!" the first Doctor was shocked, he took a step back, "But… how could you? This is a paradox! You know perfectly well you can't be here!"

"Yeah… there's the thing, I didn't bring myself here, sorry."

"No? Then, who did? And who is this? Your new companion?"

-

"So, what's your evil plan today, Master?" Captain Yates questioned dryly.

The Master sat primly in a chair across from him, "Can't I just stop by to say hello every once in awhile?" he answered smartly.

Captain Yates rolled his eyes, "Be serious Master, you're never here '_just to say hello_'."

The Master nodded, "True. Well, if you must know, the TARDIS feed alerted me to a paradox in this area, which, knowing the Doctor, is all his fault, and I came to watch," he smiled darkly, his beard quirking upwards.

Yates frowned, "A paradox? What do you mean a paradox?"

"I mean exactly what I say. A paradox happens when two things that cannot exist together in the same time stream DO exist together. For instance, if I went back to where I was yesterday and saw myself, that's a paradox because there is only one of me, yet here I am again. It causes great distress to the time vortex and must be sorted out immediately or risk causing, oh, I don't know black holes, rifts in the time-space-continuum, electrical blasts from neighboring galaxies, that sort of thing."

Captain Yates dropped his pencil, "This is serious."

"Yes, quite," the Master brushed off his jacket, "now, will you please release me so I can watch?"

Captain Yates barely heard him as he snatched up his walkie-talkie, "Brigadier! We've got a serious problem, get the Doctor in here NOW!"

The Brigadier eventually crackled back, "We have a serious problem here too. There are _two_ Doctors!"

"A paradox…" Captain Yates whispered, "Come on, you're coming with me!" Captain Yates pulled the Master up.

"Do NOT man-handle me, Captain! Now, where are we going?" he glared.

"You're going to help sort out this paradox..." Captain Yates commanded, pulling him forward.

-

"So… you can take me back? Where I came from?" Mr. Tyler barely dared to hope.

Demon grinned, nodding, "Mm-hmm, and all you have to do is say a few little words when the time comes."

"How will I know when it is?" he begged.

"Oh, you'll know, trust me… this is going to be _spectacular_."

Mr. Tyler wasn't entirely sure why she said it that way, but that hiss sounded oddly familiar.

-

"I'm the…"

"New Companion, yes, yes, absolutely, this is Jim, that bit was true," the Doctor cut him off hurriedly.

The Doctor frowned, "I've certainly become hyperactive in my old age," the older Doctor pouted, "tell me, how many regenerations ahead of me are you?"

"Seven…" the Doctor sighed.

"Seven? My goodness, Ten regenerations! I never thought I'd live _that_ long!"

"Oy! I'm not that old! Look younger than you anyway," the Tenth Doctor commented.

The Master snickered, that almost made up for refusing him the pleasure of watching Three open and close his mouth like a fish by revealing to him that he was the Master.

Three glared, "It's not like we can choose what we look like."

The Brigadier burst in, "Doctor! You will come with me!"

"Brigadier, I must ask you not to just barge in while I'm-"

"Doctor, this cannot wait, you AND your future self must come with me to rectify this situation. Have you realized that this is a paradox? It must be stopped immediately!"

Ten grinned, "Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, aw, I've missed you."

"Have you?" the Brigadier paused, "Thank you Doctor, _some_ people appreciate me," he glared pointedly at Three. Three rolled his eyes.

The Master was about ready to gag at this happy reunion, "Wasn't there some urgent paradox that has to be fixed?"

"Yes, indeed, now, you must all come with me!" the Brigadier motioned to the door.

"Could we get out of these first?" Ten rattled his handcuffs.

"Sure we don't want to keep them?" the Master suggested, not-so-quietly.

The Brigadier and Three both stared at them as Ten blushed and hurriedly unlocked the handcuffs.

"Right, let's go," Ten jumped up, leading the way. The Master trailed behind, grabbing a pair.

-

And then the world came crashing down…

"This way," The Brigadier and Captain Yates rounded opposite corners of the same hall, and this hall just happened to be the same hall with the holding cell for Demon and Mr. Tyler (because in Crack Classic Who, it ALWAYS happens that way).

"Doctor!"

"Master!"

"Master?"

"Who …?"

"Doctor!"

"Master!"

"Master?"

"Brigadier!"

"Captain!"

"Brigadier!"

"Master!"

"DoctorS?"

"Master…"

"Doctor?"

"Master!"

"Doctor…"

"_Doctor_…"

"MASTER!"

"AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA!"

At last, everyone quieted down and turned to stare at the holding cell where one Sam Tyler sat, cackling madly.

"Doctor, Doctor, Master, Master, Brigadier, Captain… how's the paradox?" Demon smiled a PERFECT evil!grin.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Now I KNOW I said this would only be three parts but I promsied one of my friends I would have the next bit up and i just couldn't finish all of it and it was really really late, so... you're all just going to have to DEAL, okay? Okay.

* * *

Everything was stopped dead. Not a sing molecule of air moved. …for about two seconds.

"DEMON!" Ten shouted, walking right up the bars where her arms were hanging lazily outside of them.

The older Master would have been with him, breaking down the door, but… he was frozen as he stared into his own face…

Behind them, the Brigadier, the Captain, the younger Master, and Three all stood watching this transpire.

"_Is that future you?"_ the younger Master asked telepathically of the younger Doctor.

"_He is… and… that must be future you?"_ Three responded.

The younger Master eyed him critically, _"What has he done to my beard?"_

"_Shaved it off, thankfully,"_ Three snorted mildly in his mind.

The Master returned and ice-cold glare, telepathically of course.

"What have you done? Do you realize that you've caused a serious paradox by bringing us both here in front of our past counterparts? You could be endangering the whole planet! What on the TARDIS has gotten into you?!" the Doctor pulled at his hair as he ranted at her.

Demon's amused face slowly turned to one of fierce, biting coldness, "Oh, and I suppose NOW you'll pay attention to me that I've caused so much trouble!" her glare was only matched by the rising threat in her voice.

"Since I brought you back the Master, **I** brought him back for you, _remember_, you haven't had a second for me, neither of you!" her glower pierced the Master too, shaking him out of his stupor.

"I give you fluff and you go and bugger it into reality, totally forgetting about me or any needs **I** might have! I show up, you say, "Hey Demon, any new fluff for us? No? Pity? Well, bye!" not even bothering to give me an excuse for leaving, you just run upstairs and play 'where's the screwdriver?' all day! AND YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME WATCH!" she shouted, making everyone cower away from her.

At this point, Sam Tyler desperately wanted to be anywhere but in this cell with her.

"And it's not just me, you two buffoons, all FOUR of you really," she amended to include Three and the younger Master, "have managed to tick off by your callousness and ignorance, it's the TARDIS as well!"

The Doctors looked consternated and were about to protest, but she shouted over them, "OH YES! You think you take SUCH good care of her! You hardly talk to her anymore! Won't let her do anything, she's just a tool, a vehicle to move the two of you from shag spot to shag spot and she's SICK of it! And she's been sick of it a LOT longer than I have! She's had to deal with your stupid love games for GENERATIONS, GEN-ER-A-TIONS! Do you have ANY idea how stressful it is dealing with rejected!Doctor and then rejected!Master and then vengence!Master and then angsty!Doctor, guilty!Doctor, psychotic!Master, and now sex!Master and toy!Doctor ALL AT ONCE?! IT'S MADDENING!" she screamed in frustration, and then slammed down on the cell bench.

"And if I blow a whole in the universe from this, so help me, I'll take on the devil himself and defy time to stop me!" she finished tightly, sounding WAY TOO MUCH like the 'Time Lord Victorious' than the two older Time Lords liked, they exchanged nervous glances.

Sam Tyler was elated just to be left _alive_ after that and was slumping between the cell door and the opposite bench.

Everyone else was dead silent, the Brigadier and the Captain were sharing the exact same thought, "Girls. Are. SCARY." And we're so traumatized by the experience, they were pretty sure an immediate trip to the pub was necessary to hold what little courage was left in them after that.

Three and the bearded Master just looked stunned at being addressed at all, and somewhat insulted at being addressed with so little respect and were on the verge of saying so when their MUCH WISER future selves beat them to the punch.

Ten swallowed, "Uh… Demon, I… uh…"

Maintaining a tight control over her desire to get violent, Demon rolled her eyes in an exaggerated fashion she'd once seen the Master do, but her face was cool enough, "Yes, Doctor?"

"We're both twats and we're sorry," the Master supplied for him.

The Doctor offered him a pained look.

The Master shrugged, "It's the truth."

"Yeah, but… with a little more finesse next time?" the Doctor begged, then turned back to Demon, he knelt in front of the door, getting as close to her as he could, "I'm so sorry Demon, I've been thoughtless."

Demon regarded him with a slight sneer, "It really isn't _me_ you both owe, it's the TARDIS, apologize to her for years of idiotic cat-and-mouse which the both of you know could have been solved so easily! And you two," she stood up, she had calmed down, and was now speaking in her normal stupidity-rant-tone now, "Three and rubbish!beard. Yeah, that's right, I said it," she smirked slightly as the Master glared at her, "you two should just hook up NOW! For Rassilon's _sake_ and save _these two_ all the trouble they went through to get together!"

She sighed, "You bloody Time Lord idiots are so concerned with your own little worlds, believing that you have to hold the moral high-ground or keep up your evil street-cred, but it just comes down to pride, and as the great Jane Austen proved to us, NO amount of pride is worth this much pain. Most of all, you have to realize that it's not your own selfish pain that we're talking about, but the pain of others! You're always forgetting that people care about you!" she wheeled on Ten, "you think it was easy for the TARDIS watching you cry over Rose? Donna? _Him?_"

Ten blushed and the Master's ego was inflated about ten points.

She sighed again, all her anger drained out of her, "Oh, come here Ten!" he stood and reached for her, awkwardly hugging her through the bars of the jail cell. The older Master rolled his eyes, but Demon shot him a glare, "You're next, Master." He gulped, but acted like he wasn't intimidated.

"Brigadier, bring those keys over, get this door unlocked," the Doctor resumed a role of authority.

"_Well, that was certainly interesting…_" the bearded Master remarked dryly from his mind to Three's.

"_Hmm…" _was all Three would respond with, watching the younger-looking Master get practically glomped by the human girl with the Gallifrey-sized temper.

"_You know… she has a point…"_ the younger Master gave a significant look to the Doctor, a significantly _non_-telepathic one.

Sam Tyler meekly wandered out of the cell, wanting nothing better than to just go back to his normal life, hell, he'd take his normal 1973 life over this! This was just… madness. And there was still the unsolved mystery of why that other man… he stared at him, thunderstruck, trying to work it out.

By now Demon had let go of the older Master, "Okay, since you all failed at introductions, I'll have to do the honors. Rubbish!beard Master, this is your future self… we'll call him blond!Master," the older Master glared at her, but did not protest.

"Ten, because regeneration numbers are a lot easier for the Doctor, I'm sure you recognize rubbish!beard Master, and Three, you've already met your future self, and now know that this is the blond!Master. OH, and Sam, Sam get up here," she dragged him forward, "This, everyone is Sam Tyler… who's actually from 2007."

Everyone frowned, blond!Master glared at him, "Why does he look like me, Demon, what have you done?"

"Though I'm flattered that you think I performed plastic surgery in the span of thirty minutes," she replied sweetly, "I'm afraid that Sam is just one of those cute little accidents of time…" she reached up and ruffled his hair.

Sam shrank away from her, "Don't do that, _ever_," he straightened his jacket and then confronted his twin, "And… who exactly are you?"

The blond!Master raised an eyebrow in surprise, "You mean you don't know?"

Same shrugged, "Should I?"

"2007… too early I guess," the blond!Master pouted slightly.

The irony was not lost on Demon though as she smiled widely, "So… I believe the Brigadier and Captain are about to fall over, so I'll take them down to the pub and leave you all, to, uh… do whatever. Don't break anything while I'm gone. And if ANY of you are missing when I return," her tone turned nasty again, "there WILL be hell to pay." With that she shoved the Brigadier and Captain in front of her and left the four Time Lords and one poor bloke out of time to themselves.

"And you take orders from her?" Three immediately inquired of Ten.

Ten swallowed and scratched his hair, "Yeah…"

"Why?! I've never been so insulted in all my life. Normally when people speak to me in such a way it's from a superior, never from a hormonal teenage girl," he scoffed.

"My dear Doctor," the rubbish!beard Master interrupted, "I do believe that's the closest you've ever come to insulting your precious human race."

Three sniffed, "Well… I was merely offering my distaste for one individual, not the whole population."

Blond!Master sniggered slightly, then turned to Ten, "You certainly had a stick up your arse back then, didn't you?"

Ten winced as Three puffed himself up like a robin defending its nest, "Now see here you…"

The blond!Master just couldn't take this any longer and cracked up. As he and Three played along in the typical Doctor/Master relationship, much to Three's secret pleasure. He found him _so_ much more attractive than the regeneration he was stuck with, the rubbish!beard Master migrated to the newer Doctor.

"Well, Doctor… tell me I'm not always this vulgar," he smiled slightly.

Ten turned to him, sighing, "Sadly no, by the time you reached his age, you've become so mad, you… well, can't say, spoilers," Ten reminded himself, "but I'd take you over him any day! He's just… bah…" he drew a breath and then let it out, symbolizing his lack of words to describe the roller coaster ride that was his Master.

"Really?" the bearded Master stroked his denotation, "I can't tell you how… _pleased_, I am to hear that Doctor. To know that despite your current regeneration's apparent distaste for me," he sounded somewhat defeated there, "I am missed later… especially if you have _that_ to look forward to," he snorted.

"Aw, was I really that mean to you?" Ten felt a pang of guilt, "No, compared to your later regenerations… _all_ of them really," Ten admitted with a touch of horror, "you were by far the sanest, and almost the most brilliant. I know he doesn't look it, but… he's really quite genius, _you_ are, I mean, when you become him. And you are here too! You saved my life, how many times? Oh, I can't thank you enough Master," Ten beamed.

Just as everyone was getting all fluffy with the wrong counterpart, Demon walked back in, "What? Blondie with Three and beardy with Ten? Can't leave you alone for two seconds can I? You come storming in here, warning me of the paradox I've caused, and _now_ you're getting all cuddly with your wrong counterpart!" she shook her head.

Most of the Time Lords had the decency to feel ashamed, but there was also a little bit of each of them that wished things didn't have to go back the way they were.

"Now, I'm thinking we have about, oh, two minutes before a giant black hole opens up directly beneath us given–," a shudder was felt through the whole building, _earthquake_, "…_that_."

She sighed, "Right everybody, last goodbyes, last kisses, are _now_, or forever hold your peace! LAST ONE TO THE TARDIS IS A ROTTEN PAIR OF RASSILON'S TROUSERS!" She shouted as she ran down the hall, followed in hot pursuit by Ten, blond!Master, Sam Tyler, who REFUSED to be left behind, Three, and bearded!Master.

Almost crashing into each other, everyone skidded to a halt outside the TARDIS as the Earth rumbled ominously once more. The TARDIS lights flashed, as if saying, "Get inside, you idiots, and let's get out of here!" There was no time to exact _her_ revenge on the buffoons at the moment, she had to save their sorry butts. For the UMPTEENTH time. (OH! OH! Umpteenth is a word, is it, but un-surreptitiously IS NOT!?! I don't BELIEVE this! .)

Ten raced inside and started setting the controls for escape.

Blond!Master paused a moment and turned to his earlier self, "Look… I didn't much care for being you, always everything getting out of hand and running to the Doctor for help… well, there was the Axos…" he smiled cunningly, "but, a word of advice? Stop talking and _act_. Trust me, it will get you _far_." He winked and sped inside, shooting him one last glance as he un-surreptitiously groped the Doctor's right cheek.

Ten yelped, "Master! You really think _now's_ the best time?" he glared, exasperated.

The Master grinned like the cat who got the canary, "Just demonstrating, Doctor."

Demon sighed, "They're all rubbish at goodbyes… well, Doctor, wish we could have stayed longer, but time has other plans. I'm kinda proud I stood against it as long as I did."

"My dear," the Doctor said sternly, "any companion who willfully stages a paradox is _no_ friend of mine."

Demon, knowing he was right, had the heart to look ashamed.

"But it is, nonetheless, impressive," he smiled in a rare show of supportiveness.

"Oh stop it," she snorted, "I've got Ten to forget to be grateful for me. It's _him_ you ought to pay attention to more," she winked and nodded to the Master.

"And, oh my dear Master!" she couldn't resist grabbing him in a tight hug and quickly pecking him on the cheek. He cringed.

"Oh you old softie," she grinned one last time and dragged Sam into the TARDIS. They disappeared that instant.

The Doctor sighed, "You know, seeing us in the future… it makes me wonder how _we_ got there."

The Master drew a deep breath, then turned to the Doctor, "My dear Doctor," he sighed fondly, "shut up and kiss me," and he pulled the Doctor's head down to his lips in a style and show of dominance that was reminiscent of his future self.

The Doctor rather liked it.


End file.
